wtf? Today is the Day
Today is the Day
Vinny ba ba ba baaa Barino
Finally … a shampoo for men only
36 Hour Cialis: So You’ll Be Ready When the Time is Right
Actual Polar Bear Attack In Alaska
Bubba & Sons Construction Company
These men are concreting solid steel pillars to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a sports bar downtown. They are cleaning up at the end of the day. How long do you think it will be before they realize where their vehicle is parked?
Elf Yourself
Have a little fun online this year for the Holidays. Now you can turn yourself into an elf. Just what you always wanted … right? Elf the whole family and send your Holiday message to friends. Go Elf Yourself here.
Horoscopes warn of Naked Busdriver
Many people believe in horoscopes, and that astrology controls their fate.
While I respect these folks’ personal beliefs, I don’t really buy into it. When I asked my Magic 8-Ball if astrology has any bearing on our lives, it said, “My sources say no.”
Whatever your beliefs, there are few men, women, or household pets alive who haven’t once scanned, or urinated on, a newspaper horoscope. For the record, I’ve done both.
At a newspaper I worked at long ago, I was the person responsible for placing the horoscopes in the paper.
One day, the horoscopes did not arrive as scheduled. They were somehow scrambled in the modem from the company of prophets that sent them to us daily. Perhaps, if I had checked my horoscope the day before, I would have seen that coming.
Anyway, under the siege of deadline, I grabbed the horoscope from the day before, borrowed from its verbiage, spiced it up a little, and basically wrote the horoscope that day myself.
It went as follows:
ARIES: Stress independence, neutrality, eagerness. Don’t wear brown shoes. They make your ankles look like tree stumps.
TAURUS: You will find laughter today. Unfortunately, it will be at your expense. Check zipper periodically.
GEMINI: Pisces plays prominent role in transaction. Watch out for naked busdriver. He can’t be trusted.
CANCER: Remember - to get a smile, you must give a smile. Man with hat wants to kill you.
LEO: Utilize your people skills to win new friends. You will not hear something very important due to ear wax buildup.
VIRGO: Close relative is in need of your advice. You’ll be chosen for the lead role in “The Man from LaMancha.”
LIBRA: Temperamental Leo says, “You sure are lucky to know me!” You’ll knock him upside the head with a paint bucket.
SCORPIO: Attention revolves around domestic situation. Whatever you do - don’t go outside.
SAGITTARIUS: Former teacher will play a role. She now works for the IRS. Deny everything. That pink stuff in your attic is not cotton candy - don’t eat it.
CAPRICORN: Lunar aspect coincides with physical attraction, participation in creative endeavor, whatever that means. Horshack from “Welcome Back Kotter” plays role.
AQUARIUS: Emphasis on financial power, marital status, Viking food. Watch sky for falling anvil.
PISCES: Absolutely nothing will happen to you today.
IF YOUR BIRTHDAY IS TODAY: Scorpio, Taurus persons play outstanding role in your life. Attitude toward others undergoes transformation due to incident with left-handed rake. During coming year, you will meet long-lost sibling you didn’t know you had (Hint: He works at Shoney’s). You will be one year older today than you were yesterday. Close relative will make call to you. Cake plays prominent role.
As astrology would have it, a couple of days later, I (of the astrological sign Cancer) did have a man with a hat who wanted to kill me. He was a Virgo and was rather upset that he didn’t get the lead role in “The Man from LaMancha.” Source
The $10,000 Pole Dancing Dare
THE DARE THAT WON $10,000: We’d like to see some pole dancing but don’t have the time to get to the local strip hut. What’s that? Neither do you, ladies? In that case how about giving us a little pole dance show at any place you can find a pole. A stop sign, a tow away zone or even the firehouse will do. Just find the right piece of metal and make a dance partner out of it. The good news is you don’t have to even get naked for this one, but like our grandpa once said; “The more skin, the better”. Sorry for this one, mom!
I’ve Heard the Screams of the Vegetables
